Crispin’s House Inc., a nonprofit program for at-risk youths, hosts its annual one-pitch softball tournament on Saturday, Aug. 9, at the Goffstown Junior Baseball Villa Augustina Fields.

First pitch is 9 a.m., but some teams have already delivered their pitch for supremacy through incendiary pre-game comments made to Al Baines, president of Crispin’s House and the tournament director.

“The Goffstown Police Association’s anonymous source said the Goffstown Fire Association is desperate for defense,” whispered Baines to this reporter. “They may place a bucket truck in center field so that they have something out there that can catch a ball.”

The GPA, meanwhile, will arrive fresh from Friday’s overnight shift dealing with bad guys.

“That same anonymous source said their new canine dog, ‘Kjel,’ has been recruited to keep opposing teams’ runners away from home plate,” added Baines.

Minus long-time, aging players Jack Keller and Jerry Liptak, The Goffstown News has a new look under team captain Ryan O’Connor and may need a few recently recruited, able-bodied athletes – even more than usual – to compete successfully.

The powerful lineup of competitors also includes Granite State Plumbing and Heating, Goffstown Junior Baseball, Goffstown Ace Hardware, Goffstown Babe Ruth Softball, Path Talk Networks and Goffstown Library.

Raffles and a concession stand with burgers, hot dogs, soft drinks and popcorn for spectators are on the menu.

All proceeds from the charity event, of course, benefit Crispin’s House, including the after-school program at Mountain View Middle School, the Goffstown Area Juvenile Diversion Program, the Starfish Coalition Teen Cafe and the Goffstown Youth Forum.

Each game has a 30-minute time limit or five-inning maximum, whichever comes first. Home runs are considered an out.

The tournament is a one-pitch, double-elimination format. Trophies are awarded to the first- and second-place teams.